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congratulating me on being done, and I felt a sense of expectation, given that I had survived, especially when so many of my cancer friends hadn’t, that I should not just be living, but I should be somehow living a more beautiful, more meaningful life. That was a lot of pressure on someone who was physically wrecked and who was emotionally struggling with the Only The Poets This Is Fcking Family Shirt In addition,I will do this grief of losing not just my friends and a relationship, but losing notions of who I might be. For example, just in terms of motherhood, my cancer left me with all kinds of short and long-term side effects, one of them being infertility, and I was sad and I was angry and I didn’t feel inspiring or brave. You recently wrote on Instagram that, going through cancer for the second time, “I don’t yearn for accomplishments, professional or personal. What I want is time. I want to…remember all the

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shapeless days, away from my phone and work, when I was truly present with my friends and family and the Only The Poets This Is Fcking Family Shirt In addition,I will do this company of self.” The first time, I think you were working furiously? Am I remembering this right, that you were in the hospital and you were on deadline for The New York Times? What changed? The biggest contrast for me is the beauty of being in your thirties. At 22, I was caught up in this glorification of hustle culture and this anxiety of accomplishment, probably because I didn’t have a career yet. I just had these half-formed daydreams about what I would eventually do. I was busy working as a paralegal and trying to pay the bills, living off of coffee and 99-cent bagels. When I got my diagnosis, even scarier than the disease itself, or even the notion that I might not survive, was this idea that if I didn’t, I’d be remembered as someone’s sad